Clearing the brain so it keeps working
Posts tagged family
A weekend with two sides
Aug 15th
I had a longer weekend then most since I took Friday off. The day was filled with some time of quiet reflection for me. I was in need of some time and space to think. That evening and well into Saturday morning was filled with friends and companionship.
Since I was up so late, Saturday was one to recuperate until the evening. Then on to my oldest daughter’s house for our regular Saturday gathering. It started late, and went long. The end of the day was filled with a strong sense of family. We were there to support each other when it was needed.
There was laughter and fun this weekend. We shared food and good times. We shared in common interests. We shared fun in the life of others. In that, life continues.
One year ago on the 13th of August, future laughter was never heard. Sadness filled many hearts. Other loss was averted, but the anxiety was left behind.
It has been one year, but the loss is still there. The loss remains and will remain.
It has been one year, but the love is still there. That love seems to grow daily.
It has been one year, you are gone, but not forgotten. Memories remain, however short they were.
It has been one year, and that is not a magic number. Time heals, but scars remain. Pain fades, but the hurt is still real.
Friends, family and love continue. In those things there can be strength. It is not weakness to shed tears, it is strength and love.
We miss all of those we lose, but on some days a special one is remembered.
Thinking of raw fish and family
Aug 5th
I got to sit down and enjoy some sushi with my oldest daughter and her husband last weekend. It was part of a great weekend. But this is about the raw fish.
Many years ago, when my oldest was the only child, our little family would go to a Japanese restaurant at least 1 time per month. It was there I first tried Sushi with my wife. As we grew to know the owners, they would let our little girl play with their daughter if the restaurant wasn’t that busy. I’m not sure what they fed her, but she was fed, and it never turned up on our bill. I’m wondering if she didn’t have sushi way back then. Unfortunately, that little Japanese restaurant closed, and there was not another place to get Sushi in the area for many years. We moved to the country and our choice were cut back even further. I went without sushi for a long time. While Japanese food was one of my wife’s favorites, the raw fish wasn’t on her top ten. I never pushed the matter, since there is other excellent food that we both enjoyed.
Fast forward a few years, and we are celebrating my oldest’s birthday. As was our custom, the birthday celebrant got to choose the restaurant. The younger sisters were not thrilled with the choice of restaurants, but the father was. I got to experience Sushi again. It seemed so much better than the last time I had it. Had my tastes changed, or was the preparation better? Or had time just dulled my memory? I’m not sure, but since that day, I’ve held Sushi as a special treat when having a meal.
As with the first time, and all other times I’ve had Sushi, the meal is more than just a time to eat food. Sushi seems to be a shared experience more than most meals. You try some of this, and a little of that. You find things you really enjoy and then some thing you may not care for as much. As time goes by, you learn what you like, and skip things you don’t. But it seems there is always room for something you don’t remember having before.
Different places serve different things. Sushi, like most dishes, varies from place to place. More than that it seems to vary from visit to visit more than most foods. Is it the freshness of the fish? The time of year it was caught? The way it was cut? I’m not sure what influences all of the variance but it seems real to me.
And finally it is sharing with family. Most of my daughters will still make a face or two if we invite them for sushi. They either don’t like fish at all, or would prefer it warm. 
But with my eldest and her husband, the experience is one I enjoy. Good natured fighting over that last bit of eel. Who took the most ginger? Trying to get my daughter to try the spicy roll. And, for some reason, always wanting just one more piece.
Family, friends, food and sharing these things make life a joy.
They grow up don’t they.
Jun 27th
My youngest is now 18 19.
Funny, I started this blog post way back in December and I only got the first line typed. I have no idea what I was going to write about. But today I will actually write about my youngest turning 19. Today was her birthday. We had some burgers, brats and hotdogs. I did my turn at the grill. There was swimming before the storms came in. And there was conversations with family.
Today was a good day. Cake and presents (at least for the birthday girl) were enjoyed. The spirits were high.
But my youngest just turned 19. She has been a legal adult for the past year. I’ve allowed her to make her own choices. I would have allowed her to make her own mistakes, I’m not convinced that she made any. She is a lovely, wonderful young lady.
Today on her birthday, I wish her all the best. While times won’t always be good (we know that don’t we.), I hope she has the strength and maturity to handle the times she has. My main job as a parent has been ‘finished’ for the last year. I only need to advise and listen. She does have what she needs to succeed or fail in life. I hope for success.
Happy birthday little one.
Expanding on a theme
May 10th
There are times we recall those we have lost. These times can cause tears or laughter. Don’t fight the tears, don’t live in the laughter. Doing either will cause us to forget the past and ignore the present and then we will miss the future.
A facebook post for today. These thoughts and the thoughts of my children this weekend push me to expand on the above. (Somebody push Froggy to read this!!)
I’m almost certain it was a tough weekend for all of my daughters. I was with the youngest all day yesterday, so she did have a bit of comfort on mothers’ day itself. The other 3, well I still have a hard time being in multiple places at once. I did make the effort to see the 3 I could, but not enough effort to talk to number 4. Sorry K.
With all of the heartache from the past year. All of the Joy felt. And the new situations we found ourselves in, I am offering some of my thoughts and words.
On mother’s day, my daughters found themselves 6 years without their mother. They were all too young to lose someone so important in their lives. I am not, and will never be a suitable replacement. I just try, with all my human failings, to be the best Dad I can be. Remember her in your hearts. Share your stories with each other. You share that common loss. If there is anyone that you should talk to, it should be your sisters. You know each other, and could comfort each other if you wish.
Don’t fight the tears, the anger, or even the joy you feel when thinking of those you lost. Yes, you should curb your responses to some feelings. Good social contact almost demands it. But try to recognize those feelings. If you need to yell and scream, be open about it. Tell people why you are mad. Try not to take these feelings out on others, but share them. Let the tears fall, if someone asks why, share the reason. It is much easier for us as people to share the good times. WE MUST make the effort to share the hard times with people. Good friends will support us in that. Of course you may not want to share those hard times with the wrong people (social graces, covering your back, ect.).
Don’t be totally consumed by the past. This is a very hard one (I know from experience). At some point the past has to become the past. For each of us that is a different time. In fact, from day to day it may be different. Let it go when you are able. Again, look for help.
I don’t pretend to know all you are going through. You are all different. You are all in different situations. I know what it is like to lose my parents, but that came after I had many years to share with them, and I was on my own. I don’t know what it was like to have a depressed widowed father responsible for me. I don’t know what it was like for you not to have your mother there for you on the important days of your life. I only know what it was like not to have 1/2 of me available at those same times.
Know that I will listen and offer advice (unless you tell me to just listen) and I love you all. I’m only a phone call or two away. And one more thing, ask your sisters if they have read this.
Time in a bottle
Apr 25th
I’m listening to some old CD’s and relaxing after a day driving in the rain. In the truck, out of the truck, into that building and then out. With all of the rain, my clothing was soaked as I drove back from Fort Wayne. As much as I complain to my children, I really don’t mind walking in the rain at times. I prefer a warm summer rain to these cold spring rains, but they can be refreshing at times.
With the short walk back to the truck this evening, after dropping off my youngest, I really got soaked. The rain just decided to drop in buckets as I turned the corner heading away from my daughter’s apartment. Anyway a warm fire, a change of clothes and some relaxation was called for when I got home.
The music is still playing, the fire is slowly dieing. And for now, I am relaxed. The weekend is at an end, and I enjoyed it. Now to look forward to the coming week. If I could save time in a bottle, the hours of this weekend would be ones to save.
